Which Pokemon would you find in your neighborhood?

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Forget the open-world Pokémon
console RPG with wild pocket monsters represented on-screen instead of
in random encounters. Nintendo just went and leap frogged all of us by
partnering with a mobile company to bring Pokémon into real life.
The pitch perfect announcement trailer belies our lack of knowledge with respect to how Pokémon Go
will actually look and function as a real-life application, but it does
capture the exploratory, simple-times wonder of walking around a world
with fantastical potential pets that you don’t get arrested for keeping
and they don’t keep scratching at the fucking carpet.
The “augmented reality” Pokémon Go uses location technology
to give you Pokémon to catch based on things like geography. Lapras in
the ocean, and all that. You can even stumble across wild battles
between monsters, apparently.
I’ve lived in San Francisco all my life which, I assume, isn’t the case for most of the people working at San Francisco-based Pokémon Go
developer Niantic, so I’m definitely a leading authority and expert on
which fictional creatures would inhabit certain areas. What started as a
quick, fun Friday afternoon post has turned into a stupid, slightly
more complicated project as I paste sprites onto a map. I may continue
to update this and fill out all of San Francisco, probably when I get
back from Tokyo.
Please chip in with local knowledge of your respective hoods.

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I’ve lived a couple different places in Excelsior, including my
current digs. You’ll find savvy Sneasels and Scythers scurrying through
the fragrant wild fennel fenced off alongside the sloping freeway
underpasses on your way up to the relative wilds of Glen Park. Murkrows
dot power lines along Geneva and Mission.

Ekans occasionally slither down from their dry McLaren plains into
the European-named streets below. The Meowths, too, will come down and
brave the streets to swipe coins, while a more timid crew stays
completely up in the hills. Exeggutors wander Mission freely while
Machokes are hard at work.

Noe Valley

Wandering Magnemites have been spotted in increasing numbers in this
region. They are mostly nocturnal and drain the batteries of residents’
Teslas. Eevee, of course, are prized in Noe Valley, including its
fashionable evolutions brought about by precious-gem-owning old money.
Except Jolteon. Fuck Jolteon. Wandering Trubbish and Garbodor, abandoned
in Dolores Park by transplants and tech assholes, have been spotted
wandering into outlying regions such as Noe Valley, but only the latter
employs underpaid Quagsire to wash the trash Pokemon downhill into the

Fort Funston

San Francisco’s beaches are typically cold and free of the Southern
California, bathing suit clad beaches people often associate with the
state. The lesser known Fort Funston, south of the creatively named
Ocean Beach, is a haven for owners of dog Pokémon like Growlithe and
Arcanine, which are allowed to run freely amid the wild Sandshrews and
Sandiles burrowed in the beach. The dogs are free to chase Wingull up
and down, sniff the occasional washed up, dead Krabby, and sometimes
roll around in Sealeo corpses, covering themselves in disgusting,
rotting viscera.

Beware if you bring your smaller pup Pokémon as assholes nearby (the
country club?) occasionally rise their Rapidashes down onto the beach,
threatening the safety of all dogs in this typical haven. Plus they shit
everywhere and do those prissy fucks get off their high horse to pick
it up, like the responsible dog owners? Of course not.

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